


Ignorance Is Ammunition

by pwk072347



Category: Tenet (2020), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Character Death (Implied), M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Tenet AU, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27078031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pwk072347/pseuds/pwk072347
Summary: “You have a future in the past. Years ago for me. Years from now for you.”***TenetAUIn a world where things can be inverted and people can travel backwards in time, Joe and Nicky, agents of a secret organization striving to do some good, found the weight of saving the world fell on their shoulders, all the while as they tried to navigate their feelings and maintain a relationship when they never seemed to be in the right time with each other...(Disclaimer: no prior knowledge of the movieTenetis required to read this work.)
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 17
Kudos: 27





	Ignorance Is Ammunition

**Author's Note:**

> This is a retelling of the movie _Tenet_ , with the characters of Joe and Nicky, plus a lot of author discretion. So if you haven't watched the movie and is planning on doing so, spoilers alert!
> 
> I try to explain the science and technology of time inversion from the movie as simple as possible to the extent that's needed to understand this story. I hope they worked, but if there's anything you find confusing, please tell me :)

_**Winter, 2030** _

When he finally tears down the wall he puts around himself, and succumbs to the loving tenderness that’s Joe, Nicky will think miserably, that it is too late. As he folds into Joe’s chest, and finds the crook of his neck a perfect fit for the side of his own head, Nicky will bemoan silently that they should be given more time. Someone once told him, _what will happen will happen_. Nicky will curse himself for ignoring that advice for years.

The occasion will not even be that special. It will be after one of their time inversion missions, a simple one, only going back a few hours. Nicky will come out of the inversion machine turnstile, and sees Joe leaning against the opening of the military-grade cargo that holds the turnstile, still in full combat gear, cradling his helmet in his arms. There will be a soft rumbling, a premonition, accompanied by a prickling to the skin. Joe will look up, his nose wrinkling slightly. Then the rumbling will grow to a roar as raindrops pour from the sky, pounding staccato on the corrugated metal. Nicky will look at Joe’s profile framed by the rain, and be hit by such a strong sense of déjà vu that he will close their distance in big strides, and kisses the surprised look from Joe’s face. Joe will smile against his lips, and gently wipes away a single drop of tear from his cheek later.

Joe will think they have eternity, or however long eternity is in their line of work. He will say he wants to take things slow, much to the dismay of Nicky on that first night, when he blocks Nicky’s grabby hands with a laugh. Joe will not know the exact schedule of the Operation they are preparing for, as it is on a need-to-know basis. He will not know how many months there is before the Operation takes over their lives and never gives it back.

So Nicky will indulge him when he says he wants to savor every moment they have together. Joe will bring him to taste the most exquisite baklava at the farmer’s market. He will treat them to a night at the West End to enjoy Nicky’s favorite musical. He will take them skating at the National History Museum and laughs when Nicky stumbles and falls into his arms. And he will always hold Nicky’s hand, raising their clasped fingers to his mouth every once in a while, and kisses his knuckles as though in a prayer.

Joe will also question why he always sheds a single drop of tear at every one of their firsts. The first time they kiss. The first time they hold hands. The first time they cuddle. The first time they say I love you. The first time they make love. He will kiss away the tear, and asks Nicky what’s wrong. Nicky will not be able to answer, so he will shake his head and says it’s fine. Joe will jokingly blame it on the sentimentality of an old man.

One month. It will now be one month before Joe goes inverted and begins the long journey of travelling back in time, on the grand operation to save the world. Nicky will lament, as he lies naked in Joe’s bed for the first time, feeling the younger man’s steady breath on the nape of his neck, that they are supposed to be at the beginning of things. So why does it taste like the end every time?

_**Spring, 2023** _

He knew Nicky thought they met for the first time at the introduction meeting in Japan. But Nicky didn’t know Joe had shadowed his previous mission, back when he was still a MI6 agent and knew nothing about future adversaries trying to reverse time and destroy the world. Joe had gone in inverted, and took a shot to the shoulder for Nicky in the cover of darkness. The bullet tore through his flesh, and he learned the hard way how inverted wounds took much longer to heal.

But Nicky didn’t know that. So Joe put on a polite and professional smile when he greeted Nicky outside the quaint teahouse at Gion, Kyoto. Tonight, he was just an assistant Nicky’s source introduced for his first job under the Organization. Nicky returned his smile and shook his outstretched hand. His hold was as firm and his palm as soft as Joe remembered. Their handshake lasted a little too long, and he had to fight the urge to chase after Nicky’s scent and pull him close when they were supposed to break apart.

Joe’s eyes lingered on Nicky’s back as he meandered through the narrow aisles after the waitress. He admitted he underestimated how hard it would be when told the journey would require immense patience. The seven long years spent travelling backwards in time was boring at best and excruciating at worst. He needed the right type of air to breathe in this inverted state, so he was effectively caged in a shabby hotel room the majority of the time. It was particularly depressing following the sweet, delirious months he had shared with Nicky by his side. Still, he passed the time by reading poetry and attempting to write them. He also drew, and the walls were soon covered with sketches of Nicky from his memory. He thought about Nicky a lot. When that wasn’t enough, he would take out the little cross pedant Nicky gave him begrudgingly when he pestered for a keepsake, and caress it longingly.

They took off their shoes, and climbed onto the tatami to sit at a low table. Joe watched Nicky flipped through the menu with those slender fingers he used to kiss reverently. He suddenly realized with the added years plus going backwards in time, he was now physically older than the Nicky in front of him. Nicky didn’t change much over the years. His hair was a little longer, and his eyes didn’t have that haunted shadow Joe sometimes caught when Nicky thought he wasn’t looking. He found patience required for this Operation extended beyond the long years of solitude. It was a testament of his restrain to have Nicky right here but not do anything about it.

He ordered some mitarashi dangos, and the warabi-mochi Nicky had been eyeing with interest in the menu. Nicky cocked an eyebrow at him when he asked the waitress to put the black sugar syrup for the mochi on the side, and he hastily covered his slip-up by saying he didn’t have much of a sweet tooth. When their coffee was served, Joe poured milk into his, then pushed the other cup to Nicky. “Maybe I like my coffee with sugar and milk,” Nicky said with a slight pout as he accepted. Joe peeked at his pinched lips over the rim of the cup, and couldn’t help but countered, “No, you don’t.”

As conversation began to flow, Joe was pleased to find it easy to talk to Nicky, almost as though there was no huge gap in time and understanding between them. He hid a satisfied smile into his upper arm when Nicky took a bite of the mochi and threw his head back with a delighted moan. Yes, he thought cheerfully, he could pull this off. Afterall, having Nicky here beside him, albeit stuck in this limbo of pretense, was decidedly better than those years not having him at all.

He let himself wonder, as the evening’s meeting inched toward an end, what would become of him and Nicky after the Operation was over. Nicky told him virtually nothing about them from his past, citing “ignorance is the greatest ammunition” and all that crap the Organization was so obsessed with. Joe decided to not overthink and just went with the flow. He wasn’t sorry when he threw in a wink as they shook hands again, and Nicky tried to hide his nonplussed reaction by tutting quietly.

He would wait and see what happened.

_**Autumn, 2025** _

On the day Joe meets him for the first time, Nicky will think he is having a panic attack. His hands will sweat profusely as he pinches his nails into the soft flesh of his palms, and he will dry heave against the campus wall of UCL as though he is going to be sick. The wound will still be too raw, and he can’t take it.

He will find Joe, as expected, on the steps in front of the portico. His head will bend over a thick textbook, his mouth absent-mindedly chewing the cap of his blue pen from time to time. The soft sunlight of late autumn afternoon will cast him in a golden glow, and Nicky, observing from the shadow of a tree nearby, will find his breath taken away.

Joe will be a total ten years younger than him now. His chin will be clean shaven, with traces of missed stubbles, and his soft curls will be even more unruly. He will have that harried look commonly seen on the faces of graduate students. A master in physics, and minor in philosophy, Nicky will remind himself. Graduating next year, with a bright future unfolding ahead of him till forever.

Nicky’s brain will be waging a war with itself. What if he doesn’t recruit Joe to the Organization now? What if their lives never cross path? Will that change what happened? His mind will continue this war as Joe progresses quickly through the ranks, excelling both in physical combat and professional knowledge, and earning himself the reputation of a code-breaking genius. What if he doesn’t promote Joe? What if Joe is never part of the Operation? Will that change what happened? His heart will continue this war as Joe’s smile becomes warmer when directed at him, his eyes grow softer when looking at him. What if he ignores his feelings? What if he builds a wall around himself and shuts Joe out? Will that change what happened?

But _what’s happened happened_ , as someone once told him. And he will admit he just misses Joe too much. So on that day, Nicky will be drown out of the shadow with a resigned sigh, as if pulled by gravity or fate, toward the beginning of it all. Each of his shuffling step will feel like stabbing his heart bloody and finally making it whole again.

_**Summer, 2023** _

Joe could tell Nicky suspected he wasn’t letting on as much as he knew. Nicky didn’t outright call him out, but those narrowed eyes and pursed lips were enough.

So no, Joe was definitely not pulling it off. By this point, Nicky had figured out Joe wasn’t just a convenient gun for hire, but actually another agent of the secret Organization they both serve to prevent posterity from sticking their hands in the past and destroying their world. When a job almost went south and Joe had no choice but to call in the cavalry, Nicky pinned him to the wall with an arm to his throat afterward, and snarled at him to spill everything. Joe still shuddered at the fury in Nicky’s eyes, and the level of hurt hidden beneath it that he shouldn’t find exhilarating. At least Nicky hadn’t realized he came back from the future, so Joe considered he still got his edge intact.

Having semi-blown his cover, Joe was allowed to bring Nicky to the Operation base to train and mingle with the other agents. The added bonus (or torture, depending on how you view it) of the revelation was that Nicky now viewed him as the go-to person for anything related to the Organization or Operation. Joe was often caught off guard as Nicky materialized out of thin air and bombarded him with whatever that was on his mind. Inversion, entropy, reverse chronology, grandfather paradox; you named it, they had talked about it. Joe kind of enjoyed repeating these complex concepts back to the person who taught him in the first place.

Joe was lying on one of the bunk beds in the common room after a typical lock picking / password deciphering session when he found himself caught in another vibrant discussion with Nicky. After hearing Joe said “ _what’s happened happened_ ” for the millionth time, Nicky threw up his hands in defeat and exclaimed, “Then is there no free will? Does decision not matter anymore?”

His overused brain was still on auto-pilot, so Joe kept lying there with an arm covering his eyes, and gave his usual answer. “The way I see it, everything happens for a reason. Decision still comes before result. It’s just a little confusing when the people making decisions can travel back and forth in time.” Through the groggy sleepiness, he saw Nicky bit his lower lip, looking almost pained by this discussion. Somehow, the answer to this question was bothering him on a personal level. Joe sat up, instinctively racking his brain for anything that would wipe the dark cloud from Nicky’s face.

“You see, the Organization operates on the tenet of knowledge divided and ignorance is ammunition. So that when we go back in time, we make choices based on our own free will at every turn. And we’ve accumulated enough evidence by now to prove that the end results fit what already happened perfectly.”

“So you’re saying it’s precisely free will that ensures _what’s happened happened_.” Nicky narrowed his eyes, still suspicious. “That’s a lot of faith in the mechanics of this world.” But Joe noticed his shoulders relaxed minutely, as though an invisible weight had been lifted.

He remembered Nicky’s wiggling fingers when he refused to divulge anything about the Operation, and his closed-off smile when Joe switched track and started asking about them. “Faith. Or whatever you call it.” The belief that Joe would choose to do the right thing at the right time that eventually led to the right result.

“What do you call it?” The Nicky in front of him cocked his head curiously.

 _That no matter the time or space, I will choose to love you_. He sat up straighter, and stared directly into those blue-green eyes. “Destiny.”

He wished he wasn’t dreaming of the pink flush that spread to the tip of Nicky’s ears.

_**12:30, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

This was it. D-Day. The day they had all been preparing for.

The cloud parted to let the first ray of sunlight shone through the sky. Nicky sat next to the window in the war room, and let the pre-mission debrief washed over him. His task was to infiltrate an underground bunker, and retrieve the machine that could potentially destroy the world before a detonation sealed it underground and out of reach. He didn’t pay attention to others’ objectives in this battle, since he had long understood that not knowing was acceptable or even preferable in this Organization.

A few helicopters carrying large cargos were landing on the far side of base. The blue team must had completed their part in the mission. They were adopting a temporal pincer strategy for this battle, standard procedure for any operation that may encounter enemies with inverted soldiers and weapons. The red team would move forward in time from the beginning of the battle. The blue team would go inverted and move backwards in time from the end of the battle.

A tall wall intentionally blocked the landing site from view as cargos were unhooked from the helicopters, blue team members in them no doubt disembarking now. Again, ignorance being top priority in everything they do. Nicky stared absent-mindedly out of the window, and recalled he asked Joe offhandedly a few days ago who recruited him to this crazy organization. Joe was hesitant to answer, and seemed flustered when Nicky caught on to it and pressed him. “You know what?” In the end, Joe evaded the question with two raised palms in surrender. “When this is over, if we’re still standing, and you still _care_ , then you can hear my life story, OK?”

The sky was clear now, but there were still puddles on the ground, and droplets falling from leaves. Nicky squinted at that wall, wondering whether he could catch a glimpse of Joe coming out of the cargos. He didn’t realize he was touching his lips subconsciously, then rolled his eyes in good humor when he did. Nicky abandoned the failed attempt to see Joe, and turned his attention back to the mission briefing. He decided that he was really sick of not knowing after all.

_**12:00, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

It had been pouring all day, making everyone jittery about how the weather would further complicate this already complicated mission. Joe literally bumped into several pale-faced teammates just like him all morning, feeling utterly unsettled as he prepared for the battle. He blamed it on how close he was to the end of the Operation and nothing else.

The departure area outside the war room was bustling with action. Blue team was to leave base early to travel to the other side of the battlefield, where they would wait until the appropriate time, then enter the turnstile to be inverted and fight through the battle backwards in time.

Over the swarming heads of people moving about, Joe spotted Nicky running over across the field, holding a hand over his brows to uselessly block the torrents of rain. Joe jostled through the crowd, trying to reach the entrance to the departure area. He noticed the pounding on the metal roof overhead, a constant background music to this morning’s chaos, began to subside. Nicky reached the entrance first, ducked beneath the outstretched eaves, and leaned against the doorframe, catching his breath. He was not suited for combat yet, his uniform half drenched and sticking to his slight frame. The downpour stopped completely. Joe watched Nicky turned his face up towards the hidden sun, wrinkling his nose at the humid air.

The scene before his eyes hit Joe like a freight train from bygone days, leaving him gasping for breath. He tried to dig through all his learnings on what to do, but came up empty-handed. He looked at Nicky’s profile against the gradually brightening sky, and decided, fuck _what’s happened happened_. Because really, he had no idea what happened, did he? About time to use ignorance as the ammunition it was, and let his heart took over.

Nicky’s face lit up when he caught Joe’s eyes over the remaining people in their way. He opened his mouth, but Joe beat him to it as he gathered Nicky’s cheeks in both hands, and swallowed whatever he was going to say with a kiss. Nicky’s lips felt exactly like how he remembered, soft and a little cool to the touch. A moan escaped Joe’s throat from sheer nostalgia. He didn’t realize how much he missed touching the skin on Nicky’s nape and lightly pulling his messy brown hair until he was doing it right now.

The lack of reaction jolted him from memory lane, but just when he was about to panic, Nicky surged forward, wrapping both arms tightly around his neck, and kissed back fervently. There was both familiarity and novelty in the way their lips chased after each other, and Nicky almost whined when Joe’s tongue licked tentatively at the seam of his mouth.

They broke apart, foreheads touching and panting for breath. Nicky drew back further to make sure he could look straight into Joe’s eyes, and said, quite solemnly, “free will it is then,” which drew a relieved laugh out of Joe. There was only so much he could say with a kiss, but the siren started blaring, signaling it was time to depart. Nicky held his face tightly, and put their foreheads back together. “Promise me you’ll be safe out there,” he muttered.

Team captains were shouting for everyone to get into position. So Joe intertwined their fingers, and raised their clasped hands up to his lips for a kiss on the knuckles, the reverent move enlisting a silver bell giggle from Nicky. Joe winked as they finally let go of each other. “I’ll see you at the end, OK?”

_**13:40, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

As expected, the mission doesn’t go exactly according to plan.

Nicky accidentally pulls a tripwire when he enters the tunnel leading to the underground bunker, setting off a small explosion that collapses the supposedly only entrance in and out. But that’s something to worry about later.

He’s in the bunker now, the final destination. The rectangular room is lined with ominous-looking machines and cabinets along the walls, a control station in the center. He feels his heart pound to the speed of lights blinking on control panels.

As he moves in, Nicky spots a lifeless figure on the far side of the room. It lies face down on the ground, clad in full combat armor, motionless in a pool of crimson blood. He has seen his fair share of dead bodies over the last thirty minutes in battle that it doesn’t catch his eyes for more than a second.

He finds the section of the control station that will grant him access to the storage safe pretty easily, pulling out the keyboard and lighting up the screen with a touch. But one look has him cursing into the silence. He knows the safe will be password protected, but the number of digits and set up of the password scheme mean it will take a fair amount of time to crack, and time is exactly what he doesn’t have right now. For how many times he can’t remember since the beginning of battle, Nicky wishes Joe is here with him.

Just as he is about to risk exposing himself and put in the time to crack this damn code, Nicky notices a flash of white in the corner of his eyes. He squints in the dim room, and sees a tiny piece of paper stuck in a slit on the control panel to his left. He picks the note up carefully and unfolds it. It looks like a page torn from a tiny sketchbook, and on it is a string of letters and numbers. The scribble is so messy it’s hard to tell what’s written on it, let alone who’s handwriting it is. But for whatever reason, Nicky immediately knows it’s the password to the safe.

But he doesn’t get to confirm his conviction, as he hears commotions coming from the other side of the bunker. Nicky only has time to put the note in his chest pocket before drawing out his gun and moves stealthily across the room. A brief flash hits his eyes on the way, making him blink. He sees it’s the light reflecting off a cross-shaped object on the backpack of the prone figure. Blame it on the dimness, but he thinks he sees the body stirs.

Then out of nowhere, a grenade flies through the dark and rolls to a stop at his feet, the pin already pulled. Nicky stares down at it, and despite sounding cliché, he does believe he sees his life flashes by. His mother announcing dinner is ready as he plays in the garden of their house in Genoa. The firm hug of his father when they see him off at the airport to London. The smell of smoke in the MI6 shooting range. Joe’s silhouette in front of a cherry blossom in full bloom. The taut line of Joe’s neck as he throws his head back in a barking laugh. The rise and fall of Joe’s chest when they slumber after training. Joe’s warm lips against his, the soft beard tingling. Joe. Joe. Joe. His memory is full of Joe toward the end.

Nicky blinks, and his fight or flight instinct kicks in. He is about to either shelter himself against the blast or make an attempt to kick the grenade away when the body on the ground suddenly rises up in a staggering and unnatural manner. His mind only has fractions of a second to register the figure seems to be moving inverted when it flies onto the exploding grenade. The body takes the blunt of the force, but the shock waves still send Nicky flying backwards, the back of his head hitting hard against one of the metal cabinets.

His ears are ringing from the blast, his head spinning from concussion. Through his bleary sight, Nicky seems to see the figure stands and backs toward him. His body aches all over, his head getting heavier, and he can’t see anymore. He hears a line of jumbled words, but can’t make out what is said. As his consciousness gradually slips away, Nicky feels fingers gently caress his cheek. The soothing warmth is the last thing he remembers before darkness consumes him.

_**13:20, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

Forty minutes into battle, and Joe is exhausted. Being inverted comes with its own toll, since friction and resistance work against you, messing with your vision and hearing. Having to carry an oxygen tank in addition to their usual gears is not helping.

After disembarking at the opposite end of the battlefield, the blue team has moved slowly into the center of action, encountering their red team comrades and various forward and backward-going enemies along the way. When they first land, Joe doesn’t even bother to search for Nicky among the red team agents departing the field on helicopters, as everyone’s face is obscured by combat helmet and bullets are still flying all over the place.

They are shielding behind a half-ruined building when Joe spots the tunnel that must lead to the bunker. As he watches, a man dressed in enemy color pulls a tripwire across the entrance, then no doubt checks the charges attached to it before disappearing.

Joe frowns and looks at his watch. It’s too early for Nicky to have entered already. He scrutinizes the tunnel entrance through his rifle scope, but can’t determine how lethal the charges are from this far amidst the rain of bullets.

He needs to invert back to the same state as Nicky and warns him. He knows there is an inversion turnstile on the battlefield, currently in enemy possession and heavily guarded. It’s a long shot, but worth the try. Joe sets his jaw.

He remembers the blue team leaders saying anyone not at the extraction site by 13:00 sharp will be left to fend for themselves. But it has been a series of personal choices against standard operation and perhaps better judgement since that fateful moment by the brightening doorway, and he’s not about to stop now. He is choosing to save Nicky.

Against the shouts of his teammates, Joe darts out from behind the building and breaks into a sprint.

_**14:15, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

The world is saved.

It turns out, even though Joe doesn’t manage to warn him in time about the tripwire, he does come to Nicky’s rescue by throwing a lasso into the bunker and pulls him out with a truck just when the final detonation blows the roof of the underground facility wide open. Not before Nicky regains consciousness and retrieves the machine with the code on the note, which indeed is the password.

Now they are lying sprawled on the dusty ground a short distance away from the battlefield, their gears littered everywhere and their fingers not so much touching. Nicky cradles the unremarkable machine in his arms, and lets out a small sigh of wonder. Joe looks over at him with great fondness and snorts. It triggers something in both of them, and before long they are howling with laughter hysterically, hands pounding the ground or slapping their stomachs.

Looking up at the scorching sun, Nicky tells him about the mysterious note, and comments that it must be from someone really good at cracking code. Joe replies, sounding half-joking, that Nicky knows no one here other than him that can break into a safe that fast.

It’s not until Joe sits up and starts retying his shoe laces that Nicky realizes he is not joking. “You’re serious? You’re really going back in?” He raises his head and turns to Joe, incredulous. “Well, we did just save the world. Can’t leave anything to chance, can we?” Joe winks at him with a mock salute at the side of his temple.

Nicky flops back down on the ground, content to watch Joe getting ready from this vantage point. Joe drags his backpack over to sort through its content, and that’s when Nicky sees it. A cross pedant hangs from the zipper to the outside pocket of Joe’s backpack.

Just like that, the world he knows crumbles beneath him as he lies frozen to the spot. He feels air punched out of his lungs, and it is like he’s drowning on dry land. He closes his eyes, willing the pedant to disappear with all the mind power he can muster, but when he opens them, it is still there, shining blindly in the sunlight. All the while, Joe is packing with his back to Nicky, blissfully unaware.

When Joe gathers everything and rises to his feet, Nicky can’t hold it anymore. “Wait!” He stumbles to get up as well. “Can we change things if we do it differently?” He hates the desperation seeping into his voice.

Joe either doesn’t notice or chooses not to address it. “ _What’s happened happened_ , but that’s not an excuse to do nothing.” He smiles indulgently like a parent would to a petulant child. “You know the drill. Now let me go.”

Joe walks over to check the truck. Nicky bites his lips, his hands clench into two trembling fists. A part of him wants to scream at Joe to stay and tells him why. He can feel the words rising up in his throat, but they gag just beneath his tongue. He tries again, even though in his mind he already sees how this will end. Ignorance is ammunition and the policy is to suppress; that’s how you save the world. And according to Joe, they can’t leave anything to chance. Nicky’s eyes begin to burn.

He calls again when Joe is about to climb into the driver’s seat. “You haven’t told me your life story.” He knows he’s stalling, but he can’t help it. “The mission is over, _for me_. And we’re still standing. And I _do_ still care.” He blinks rapidly, willing the tears to hold.

Joe must have seen something on his face though, for his expression softens as he contemplates in silence. When he opens his mouth, instead of the answer Nicky has been expecting, out comes a cryptic sentence. “You know, you have a future in the past. Years ago for me. Years from now for you.”

Nicky’s eyes widen, the information too much to process right now. He stumbles toward Joe as though in a trance. “You’ve known me for years?” he chokes out. A drop of tear can’t defy gravity anymore and slides down his cheek.

Joe beams brightly as he comes closer. “And we get to have some good time.” His gaze drifts to a spot in the middle distance, as if seeing into a space in time Nicky can’t follow yet. “You’ll see. You’re going to love it.”

Surrounded by the warmth emanating from Joe’s body, Nicky can only nod. Joe cups his face and gently wipes away the tear. Nicky almost keens as he leans into the touch. Joe chuckles and ruffles his hair, before turning to finally leave. Nicky feels like a dam is knocked down somewhere inside him, and he finds his sight blurred by tears again. He’s glad he doesn’t have to hide it to Joe’s back.

He shouts at Joe’s retreating form in lieu of what he wants to but cannot say, “I’ll see you at the end, OK?” Joe doesn’t turn around, but gives him a thumbs up and a hearty wave.

Nicky waits until the truck disappears from sight before collapsing to the ground, an agonizing wail torn from his throat. He uses all the languages he knows to curse the universe, the Organization, the evil posterity, but mostly himself, hyperventilating through his howling as his thumping heart threatens to burst from his chest.

Something clicks inside his head as his breathing quiets down to a whimper. Joe has known him for years. _Joe has a past in his future._ Nicky is not yet half way through their relationship. In a twisted way, this is not the end.

Nicky wipes the tears from his face and stands up unsteadily. He picks the machine from the ground, holding it carefully in his arms, and starts to walk, his steps growing firm with purpose. He has saved the world. Now it’s time to save his – their – future.

_**13:40, Sep. 10 th, 2023** _

Joe supposed he knew he wouldn’t be coming back before he set foot in the inversion turnstile again. Maybe it was from accumulated experience, or an acute perception. Or maybe it was the single drop of tear on Nicky’s face that was so familiar but contained a meaning he didn’t fully understand until now.

He inverted himself, and went back in time to before the final detonation. He waited above the underground bunker, and found that there was in fact another entrance apart from the tunnel. He knew because he saw an enemy soldier, presumably the same one who set the tripwire, opened a hidden hatch on the ground and climbed down backwards into a passageway.

Joe waited a while before entering himself. He reached the bunker but didn’t see the enemy soldier anywhere, though that was not his primary concern at the moment. One look at the state of the room, and Joe knew what happened. Rubbles and broken metal strewn across the floor in one corner of the bunker, machines lining the walls near that area pushed off kilter and not aligned with the rest. Remnants of a small explosion. Joe stepped closer and saw shrapnel among the debris. A grenade, then.

Nicky was half slumped against a metal cabinet by the wall, his head lolling to one side, clearly unconscious. Joe instinctively wanted to rush to his side, but stopped himself in his track. Nicky would be fine, as evidence proved not so long ago, and Joe was here on a mission.

He was glad the control station for the safe was on the opposite side from the explosion. As such, he easily punched the keyboard and pulled up the password input page. The design mechanism was indeed complicated, but a piece of cake for Joe. The corner of his mouth quirked up as he imagined Nicky with a deep frown, determined to tackle this obstacle the universe thrown at him.

He deciphered the code without trouble, and had it confirmed when the safe quietly opened on the far side of the wall, revealing the unimpressive machine. For a split second, Joe considered just taking the thing with him and saved Nicky all the trouble. But what good would that do if he wasn’t going anywhere? He wasn’t comfortable leaving the machine in the open with Nicky unconscious and enemies potentially lurking around, so he did as Nicky said: he let the safe close again, then torn a page from the sketchbook in his pocket, scribbled down the password, and tucked the folded paper into a slit on the control station.

Mission accomplished, he hurried over to Nicky. He was beginning to stir, wincing in pain. Wearing the helmet that pumped oxygen for him, Joe couldn’t put their faces any closer. So he took off his gloves, and gently caressed his fingers across Nicky’s cheek. He tried to project his thoughts as loudly as possible for Nicky to hear: _One day,_ _you will let me drink mulled wine from your cup by the market. I will laugh at you trying not to sing along to your favorite song in the theater. We will kiss under the New Year’s Eve firework by the Thames. Time will fly by, but we will have each other. I promise, this is not the end._

He reckoned it was time when debris on the ground started flying back in place and machines along the wall began shifting. He crouched down and whispered to Nicky’s ear, though he knew Nicky wouldn’t be able to understand. Then he stood up and walked to the spot where it looked like the grenade shrapnel would be converging, planting himself firmly between the blast radius and Nicky.

Joe marveled at how this, his ultimate choice, would enable everything that had happened and everything that will. Waiting for the imminent explosion, he remembered the hesitant smile on Nicky’s face that contrasted with the longing in those blue-green eyes, on the college steps basking in autumn sunlight not so long from now. He replayed what he said to Nicky as he closed his eyes.

_I’ll see you at the beginning._

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to retain the immortality element from canon at first, but eventually couldn't find a way to fit it into the plot. Probably the biggest regret in writing this story.
> 
> The title and a huge chunk of the dialogues directly came from the movie _Tenet_. All credits go to the brilliant mind of scriptwriter Christopher Nolan; all mistakes and plot holes are mine.
> 
> If you haven't seen _Tenet_ , and is still able to watch it safely in theater, I would strongly recommend going to see this movie. There's obviously the mind-twisting science, and awe-inspiring visual beauty that come with a Christopher Nolan movie. But at its very core, _Tenet_ really is just a tragically beautiful love story, and that's what makes it all the better.
> 
> As always, comments and kudos are appreciated with immense gratitude :)


End file.
